Conversations with Restaurant Workers

We rarely eat fast food these days, but Corvallist kid wanted fish and chips from Jack in the Box earlier this week when we were in a hurry, so I found myself at the drive-through speaker, having an argument with a disembodied voice.

Corvallist: "Just an order of fish and chips, please."

JITB: "Chicken sandwich?"

C: "Fish and chips, please."

JITB: "Cheese and dip?" (Corvallist kid starts giggling at this point.)

C: "FISH. F-I-S-H. And CHIPS."

JITB: "Do you want fries with that?"

C: "Not extra fries, just the chips part of the fish and chips."

JITB: "No, chips are different. Do you want fish and fries or fish and chips?"

At this point, he had punched "fish and chips" up properly on the screen, so I said what he had was fine. When we reached the window, the now-embodied voice collected my money and I couldn't help myself.

C: "Fish and chips means fish and fries. Chips is just British-speak for french fries."

JITB: "No it doesn't. Chips are like Ruffles. We also have potato wedges, and some people call those chips, too."

C: Blank stare.

JITB: "The potato wedges are awesome. You should try them."

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On another morning this week, I treated myself to breakfast at Elmer's, since nobody else in my house was awake. I had a quiz in one of my classes, so brought my textbook to study.

When I went to the counter to pay for my food, the cashier took one look at the title of my text and her eyes grew really wide. "That looks like an interesting book," she said. I guess most people don't read "AIDS and STDs: A Global Perspective" over breakfast. I was sorely tempted to muster up a really nasty-sounding cough, just to see if she would faint. Instead, I just said something lame, like, "Yeah, it's for a class."