Taser Party at the Towne Pump

Fred Meyer was an auspicious place to be this morning at around 10 a.m. this morning.

First of all, there was this bizarre pseudo-hail floating down peacefully while the sun streamed through the clouds. It resembled those tiny Styrofoam pellets you find in bean bag chairs, rather than actual hail, and they were light enough that they just sort of fluttered to the ground.

Then there were the cops, all gathered around the Towne Pump gas station across the street, adjacent to 7-11. I was wondering why they needed four police vehicles there and figured someone had tried to rob the gas station or *gasp* had a broken tail light.

Nope! The cops tasered a homeless woman from Seattle who had called the nearby mosque asking for help. Using a Taser is apparently an effective way to get someone to stop punching a police officer... it's the fourth time they've zapped someone this year. They sure like their toys. Much more fun that simply handcuffing someone.

I jest, but to me, it seems like another case of a mentally ill person falling... no, plunging through the cracks. Corvallis has some good resources for the mentally ill, but as noted in the Gazette-Times article last Sunday, if you have no insurance and no money, good luck to you. I hear there are some other folks camping under the bridge... maybe they can help you. Benton County Mental Health, our town's best safety net (in theory) is turning people away more frequently. And every year, there are a few more stories about the police using a Taser or worse on someone who is belligerent without obvious cause.

Freaky Friday

While sitting in class on Friday morning, within the space of a bizarre 30 minutes, a portion of Oregon State's campus was evacuated due to a gas leak and we had a freakishly brief snow storm. Seriously, we had about five minutes of snow and then it vanished as though my classmates and I had suffered a quick mutual hallucination. Neither one was reason enough for us to leave class, but it's an interesting class, so nobody really seemed to mind.

I also had the opportunity to sample the new pizza place on Monroe, the aptly-named Slices. They promised New York pizza... how could I not go? I'll have to say, it's close. Closer than Cirello's, to be sure, but Cirello's still wins in the taste department overall.

The pizza is thin enough, can be properly folded like a NY slice, and almost tastes right. I think we've narrowed it down to the sauce. The sauce needs a little more... something. And there's not enough of it. Parts of the pizza had virtually no sauce between the cheese and bread. But these were the ready-made slices, so we may order a full pie and ask for a smidge extra sauce.

The strangest pizza on display was a baked potato pizza, which featured actual wedges of potato and bacon. It may sound a bit weird, but for a long time, Round Table pizza had little pizzas made in baked potato shells that were quite tasty. (Pizzatatoes? Something like that.) If you want pizza by the slice, this is the place to go. FAR better than American Dream Pizza.

Trans Fatless

According to the First Alternative Co-op's February newsletter, The Thymes, neither store will continue to sell products containing trans fats as of March 1st. Considering how many products contain partially hydrogenated oils, it's amazing that they've been able to find enough products to stock the shelves.

We started monitoring food labels for the words "partially hydrogenated" over a year ago, and with very few exceptions (every now and then, you just need a mint Milano cookie), we don't buy products containing such oils. Or high-fructose corn syrup. In the same period of time, more or less, I've lost about 65 pounds. That's not the only reason, but it sure makes it easier! In the same period of time, Corvallist kid has gone fishytarian (yes, I know the correct term is pescovegetarian) on me and I imagine I'll eventually follow.

But this weekend, I'm being treated to a nice steak at the Outback Steakhouse, and there's no way I'm turning that down. I'm not there just yet. I doubt I'll ever be a food Nazi... but it doesn't have to be one extreme or the other. Just because I occasionally eat out without grilling the waiter about the origins of my food doesn't mean I should give up and start eating at McDonald's every other day.

For a die-hard carnivore, I consider it major progress that all the meat we buy in our household is free-range, locally-raised, organic and adult. We even printed out a card from the Monterey Bay Aquarium for reference when buying fish, so we can counter the arguments from those who mock us and claim we'll just end up depleting the oceans with our factory cow avoidance.

Still, living in an area of agricultural abundance makes it easy to live and eat healthfully. Once the farmers' market is back in full swing, we'll continue taking these small, environmentally-beneficial steps and hopefully will continue reducing our "footprint" on the earth.

The best part? Local food just tastes better. It doesn't have as far to travel, after all.

Rob Priewe comes to his senses...or something.

Rob Priewe has been working at the Gazette-Times for more than 20 years. For the last nine of those years, he has been managing editor. And now he's moving on to destinations unknown, or at least not mentioned in the article announcing his resignation.

At least, I think the article is announcing his resignation. It vaguely mentions that he is "leaving" the paper. I seriously hope this was his idea, but Lee Enterprises has a tendency to run off the good employees, so I'm hoping that Rob has found some fantastic job where he will be appreciated and paid well.

Honestly? They should've made Rob the publisher instead of managing editor back when the GT merged with the Albany Democrat-Herald, but for some ungodly reason, creepy newspaper troll Hasso Hering was granted guru powers. That was the beginning of the end for the GT, I think. It has been sliding downhill ever since.

So good luck to Rob from a former coworker whom you might or might not remember. You deserved better than what Lee Enterprises gave you, and like all the other talented folk who inevitably flee for greener pastures, I imagine you'll end up somewhere better.

Ahhh... Crime Watch

It's consistently the best part of the Gazette-Times.

My favorite "crime" from this week:

CYCLES AND BASKETBALLS 6:11 p.m., 3300 block of Southwest Philomath Boulevard. A man in his late 20s riding a bicycle got mad when he nearly collided with a man in his 50s riding a unicycle and dribbling basketballs. The younger man chased the man on the unicycle and kicked his basketballs into a neighboring field before riding off.

I love this town!

In addition to the unicycle-prompted bike rage, we had some chick run out without paying for her manicure and a pizza delivery car stolen because it was left running while the deliverer was at the door bringing a tasty pie to some unknowing resident.

There's real crime, too. But in a larger town, these little crime nuggets wouldn't warrant space in a news column. Hooray for silly criminals!*

*Disclaimer: The Management does not actually endorse criminal activity. :P

Smooth Operator

A couple days ago, the family and I made a foray to North Shore Smoothies on Kings Boulevard, in the base of the Gem apartment building just off campus. The store opened up a couple weeks ago and has already gained a steady following.

The owners may attribute their early success to the plasma screen on the wall that shows a constant live feed (when possible) of Hawaii's surf, or maybe the giant surf chick in the corner with the "Hee hee, she's underage" notice posted next to her, or maybe the tropical emphasis in all their pre-fab smoothie recipes.

It's far simpler than that. It's the only dedicated smoothie shop in town. We have no Jamba Juice. It was a good idea and a perfect location.

The smoothies themselves? Well, really, they're pretty much like every other smoothie you've ever had. They're plenty tasty and all the trendy wheatgrass/echinacea/ginseng additives are available for those who fancy that sort of thing. They also serve food, but we just went for the frothy fruitiness. The Corvallist family gave hearty thumbs-up for the peach something-or-other and the strawberry/raspberry thingamajig (I forgot the official names).

Vagina.

There, I said it, right out in the open. Why? A couple of good reasons, actually.

First of all, Eve Ensler's Vagina Monologues (PDF) are coming back to Corvallis. The show will be performed at LaSells Stewart Center on February 22nd and 23rd and will cost you a mere $10, the majority of which will go to the Center Against Rape and Domestic Violence. A most worthy cause.

The Vagina Monologues are supposed to be empowering and demystifying, which is why it is utterly bizarre that the name of the play was actually changed to the "Hoohah Monologues" in Atlantic Beach, Florida. One of my favorite authors, Neil Gaiman, explains that the play was renamed "to avoid offended passers-by with small daughters who ask embarrassing questions...which seems, somehow, to miss the point on a scale that is positively awesome." That, dear readers, is why the title of this post proudly stands as is.

Also, there will be a Pap-A-Thon that Saturday, February 24th, from 9 a.m. to noon. If you are uninsured or underinsured, you can take advantage of Samaritan OB/GYN's free cervical cancer screening. Not only can you assume the stirrup position without a copay of any kind, but they will offer chair massages, child care and refreshments. (Not while you're on the table, probably.) That's the first time a Pap smear has sounded festive!

While some recommendations have been changed to suggest that women only need Pap smears every three years, for many women, this is their only contact with a doctor, so if you haven't been in a while, please go. To participate, call 768-5220 to make an appointment. Walk-ins are also welcome.

Educational Priorities

The Corvallis Community Vision for Education project is seeking input from community members regarding education in our community and the future of the Corvallis school district. Even if you don't currently have children in the public education system, this is an opportunity to contribute ideas toward how we should be shaping young minds. Covered topics include everything from technology to social interaction to sustainability issues.

The community forum has already passed, but there is an online survey with plenty of room for comments. At the end of the initial survey, there is a link for those who missed the initial forum with a few additional questions. Please take a few minutes to take the survey, especially if you have kids or plan on having kids locally. We are blessed with a really great, responsive school district, so I figure this is a fairly painless way to get involved. The survey is located at http://www.360eval.com/login and the login code is CorvallisVision (all one word).

There will be a followup meeting on Tuesday, March 13 at 6:00-9:00 p.m., at Corvallis High School, where the findings will be summarized and additional feedback requested. The final "vision" will be released sometime in May.

Spam-O-Rama

I've decided to turn word verification back on for comments, due to a major increase in comment spam over the past week. Certain old posts have apparently ended up on the spam circuit and I'm receiving upwards of 10 comments a day offering me Viagra. Oddly enough, I still don't need any.

Sorry for the inconvenience. I'll give it a month or so and then try to take the filter back down.

In other Spam-related news, Monty Python's Spamalot is coming to Portland at the end of August for a limited run at Keller Auditorium. Tickets are not yet available and rumor has it that tickets will only be available as part of a multi-show pass, which would suck, because I really don't have any real inclination to see Camelot or Riverdance, which will round out the season at Keller this year.

Finally, check out the Spam Fan Club!

Creepy Cop Stop

Monday evening, a woman driving along Walnut Boulevard was pulled over by a dark car with a flashing red light. When the "police officer" approached her car, he directed her to drive off the road into the more secluded Martin Luther King, Jr. Park. That probably should've been the first clue that something was iffy. Maybe the second or third clue, considering that local police don't use single red flashing lights anymore -- even the unmarked cars have a panel in the grille with flashing blue and white lights -- and that the gentleman was wearing dark clothes, but no uniform and no badge. But cops are authority figures and most of us would probably also comply without really thinking at first.

Anyway, she followed his advice and drove into the park. Thankfully, the light bulb finally clicked on when Officer Jackass ordered her out of the car, saying that the car was reported stolen, then tried to open her door. She drove away and called the real police. It's only a shame she didn't run over his feet or something.

Wednesday, a Gazette-Times editorial explained the difference between genuine police officers and imposters. Good little public service announcement, if they simply stuck to the facts and repeated the wise advice to call 911 from a cellphone to verify the traffic stop is genuine or to ask the officer to follow to a well-lit area or present identification. However, they then added the following statement, which made me laugh out loud:

Let’s face it; traffic stops tend to happen “coincidentally” with your cutting a turn wide to the far lane rather than the near one, mis-timing how long a traffic light would stay yellow or deciding that speeding isn’t illegal if nobody sees.

Do they live in the same town as you and I? I can't even count the number of times I have been pulled over for hilarious invented reasons, especially late at night, because the local police hope and pray to find a drunk driver or fulfill an arrest warrant. Some of my favorite reasons for being pulled over: "We thought you might be weaving." "Your left turn was a little wide." "That U-turn was illegal." (I hadn't made a U-turn.) Since moving here in 1990, I have been pulled over probably 30 times. From all these stops, I have never received a single ticket. Not a one. Why? Because I wasn't actually doing anything wrong. Granted, my tail light was out on two occasions, but that's a valid reason. I don't speed, I stop completely at stop signs, and I even use my turn signal, which seems to be a rarity these days.

Most of these incidents were when I was younger, drove a run-down car, and was married to someone with long hair. Forget racial profiling; in this town, long hair is a major issue for police officers. When my ex was a passenger in the car, they'd ask him for identification instead of me!

Anyway, be smart, don't let the fake cop get you, but don't believe for a second that you won't get pulled over if you follow the rules of the road. This town is small and we have a lot of bored police officers.